Lonely and Shattered Heart
by Auroran Flash
Summary: Shounen-ai and Suicidal Contemplation makes for the typical fangirl fic, but I've rendered a good gathering of fans from this fic alone. A lot of people say it's worded quite well and I tend to agree with them for once (gasps at not berating myself :O). I
1. Lonely and Shattered Heart

"Lonely and Shattered Heart" - Written on Tue., Jan 11, 2000, 1:53am.

_"Lonely and Shattered Heart" -  
Written on Tue., Jan 11, 2000, 1:53am._

  


  
Something I wrote on impulse at 12:30-1am. I was already in bed when I got the feeling that I'd left something unfinished ...better to write when you get the urge than to not write and never know what you would have been inspired to create... 

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Collapsed. His body gave out after all the hours of fighting it, his walls breaking down after all of his struggling against the searing pain of his memories. Tears slowly ran down his cheeks, falling into the cool night wind to be carried off into the sea below. Seated on a jutting rockface overlooking the ocean, Cloud Strife tilted his head upward, deep sorrowful eyes watching the sights of the heavens, beautiful blue and purple clouds mixing with endless blackness, white lights twinkling through it all, blanketing the sky with it's beauty. The sight was beheld by near blind eyes as tears blurred his vision, taking in the image as only another detail in this endless world of loneliness that he couldn't seem to escape. 

Cloud Strife, the man that saved the Planet from Meteor; Cloud, no longer the little boy who left Nibelheim, seeking strength in joining SOLDIER. His childhood had been burned away like his hometown, not even whole memories remaining of it in his mind. His mother was gone, but even through the agony of the loss, he knew he could overcome that pain. What he couldn't put behind him was his first loss, the one that he let gradually take place right before his eyes. The one whom he admired most, a man who he, over time, grew to know as more than a friend, someone who liked him, a boy who had always been rejected by others. Out of the crowd his SOLDIER had stood out, some beacon that he reached for constantly in an attempt to pull himself higher, striving to be greater than he thought he could be and knew was possible. His Silver-haired warrior who would stand by him, casting back the other soldiers who would've pushed him around like the boys back in Nibelheim used to; the exotic, beautiful looking man who had saved him in battle more than one time and who didn't ask anything in return for it. Cloud had placed him on a pedestal, always turning to him during a dark time, knowing he could find comfort in the thought of him if he couldn't see the man himself personally. Admiration turned to obsession, obsession to infatuation and infatuation blending with emotions that were unexpectedly buried deep within himself, somehow resulting in a deep and irreplaceable love. 

Over a year passed while these feelings were harboured within the blonde boy, assuming that they would never be accepted or returned, knowing that he was never going to be good enough to be the lover of a man who stood in the eyes of the world. 

The man turned his head to the side, resting his cheek against his shoulder. A hot tear trickled down the side of his face, falling in the dirt at his feet..   
One night. One night together the two had shared, the feelings he had finally becoming too much to contain. He remembered that night as a treasure, a gift given to him that he probably never deserved. His lover was a lonely man who kept to himself, something Cloud always admired about him. The enigmatic ways of his beautiful koi; nothing could compare. He was like heaven on earth to touch. The feeling and emotion of that night crashed down upon him again, the memories stinging more tears out of his eyes until each tear could be felt, burning his eyes so hot that it was a slow torture. 

Breathing was difficult, his breath slow and heavy on a dry, sore throat. It had only been a week since Lifestream had destroyed Meteor, but before that, in his hands, Ultima Weapon was used to put an end to the life of a dark angel that was supposedly the cause of the crisis the world was facing. Now, the Planet was saved, but his world was empty. What was there now? Now that he understood?... He'd put an end to his angel's life, making that strong heart bleed out of it's skin, staining the beautiful face of the warrior, twisting deep emerald eyes with pain. He'd watched his love die. He'd caused it, Cloud had, in a whirl of rage and determined revenge. Jenova's influence was what formed the man that burned down his town, summoned Meteor and killed Aeris. Jenova took the most beautiful thing in his world and twisted it into something wicked and horrible, and with his own blood-soiled hands, he had been forced to destroy an image of the only person he had ever truly loved.. But what he had loved had died long before that battle ever took place. 

Gloved hands pounded at the ground, finally the sobs overwhelming him. "Why did the stars choose me?" he cried out into the night, demanding some sort of answer for the pain etched into his heart with the blade of his own sword. "Why couldn't I have fallen in love with someone else? Why did the Gods turn against me? Why did I lose my childhood so early..? I don't have my answers, I'll never have them, because you're gone.. you always seemed to know everything. You gave me all of the knowledge I have... I used it against you." 

The night wind brushed his cheek, drying the streams of moisture left on his flesh from his crying.. 

  
He remembered a day after the battle, asking Cid to take him back to the Crater. Travelling down the steep cliffs to the center of the Crater had been a numbing experience, his thoughts mostly dead until his eyes laid on what he expected to see, though his heart cringed as he took in the sight.. His boots made no sound as he padded across the snowy ground to where a still figure lay, some parts of him covered with sparse flakes of snow, but still very much visible to the naked eye. Cloud kneeled down beside the figure. He outlined the pale white face with his index finger, still and serious looking as always, not once had he seen a smile on that disciplined face.. The long elegantly pointed nose, closed eyes with silvery eyelashes protecting the intense mako-tinted green-blue orbs that were this lovely being's eyes. He looked angelic, lying in the snow like this, his body completely unmarred. Silver hair shining like moonbeams fell around his shoulders, some in his face.. Cloud gently pushed it out of the way, clearing the beautiful sight. The cold numbness of outside began seeping it's way into his heart, frosting over his insides. It became hard to swallow, staring down at such a sight. But he looked at peace now... he wasn't the monster that he had been presented as in Life; he depicted the true man that he was, the true Sephiroth, now, though in Death. 

Cloud felt it acutely: bits of his soul tearing away, being swallowed by the abyss inside of his heart. His aquamarine eyes narrowed, feeling both burned and chilled by the breeze.   
"Cloud Strife, the boy who saved the Planet"- that was just an image that he let the others make up. It was Lifestream who saved the Planet, not them. Definitely not him. He had just managed to sacrifice the one thing that had already been stolen from him before. That's what his role was, to hold up his one valuable treasure for the world to see and then crush it in the palm of his hand. He felt crushed himself; heh. Mentally, he laughed at that analogy, a soft, bitter sound. 

~Let the world think what they want to about me...~ 

~I can be the hero they desire~ 

~In their eyes..~ 

~What really matters? I want to go and be with my hero.~ 

~My angel,~ 

~My Sephiroth.~ 

Bitterness, despair and sadness drained from his mind. The only thoughts he focused on now, were of being with his seraphim again. After all, hadn't he done his part?... Nothing he had done could have been regretted; if he hadn't been born, then the world wouldn't exist now, it was accepted that he held his crucial role in saving the planet. Slowly the man reached down, removing the gloves from his hands, setting them aside on the rocks.. Bloodstained gloves. He removed his boots, the ones he had worn that had taken him around the world and to this final destination ... The sword on his back was removed, and with knitted eyebrows yet no regret, it was tossed over the cliff's edge and into the dark, freezing water below. That sword had delivered the final blow would live on through time as something both horrible and unforgettable, yet it had brought hope to a dying world... 

Cloud removed his uniform next, the one Zack had given him on the way to Midgar. The source of his illusions, what he had based everything on... He sighed under his breath, murmured a brief apology and thank you, and laid it, too, on the rocks by the cliff edge. 

Cloud, as pure as one man can be to himself, on the edge of the cliff. He raised his head, giving a final glance at the stars hanging in the heavens. He called his thanks for them seeing him through his adventure, helping him do what he needed to do, and now helping him return where he was always meant to go..   
Fate was what brought him here; Fate was now taking mercy on him and would deliver him at last from a mission he had been burdened with.. 

His tears sparkled as the wind carried them away. He was going to be whole again, the young boy who held innocence, the Cloud who died so long ago, was becoming one with the war-worn warrior again.. 

With certainty of his actions, a long awaited release was claimed as the man faded out of the physical world, meeting on the other side the ones who he knew waited for him.. one person in particular. 

...~"It's nice to meet the real you."~... 

  


~Owari~ 

  
    ~In memory of the great Sephiroth and..  
    Of his brave lover, Cloud Strife.


	2. Epilogue

"Lonely and Shattered Heart" - Written on Tue., Jan 11, 2000, 1:53am.

_Epilogue_

  
Tifa slowly kneeled down next to the pile of clothing they had found, the only clue to their friend's sudden disappearance. Her fingers ran along the thin dark-purple material. _It can't be.. it just can't. he wouldn't do this to us. To me._

After three days of looking, they found this on the cliff's edge which they stood on now, a hundred feet above cold, deep waters. The young brown-haired girl shivered from the sharp wind that blew by, and from the growing feeling of dread hanging heavily within her heart. Wine-coloured eyes shined with wetness. Somewhere inside, she knew what had happened the night of Cloud's disappearance. This only verified her dark thoughts. 

Tifa felt a light weight on her shoulder and turned to see a glint of metallic gold in the light given off by the overcast sky that morning. Vincent looked down at her with sympathy in his gaze. Tifa smiled appreciatively, but it quickly crumbled as she turned back to the limp SOLDIER outfit lying on the ground in front of her.. 

"He's dead....." Tifa said in disbelief, her tears nearly brimming over. "Cloud's dead." 

"No." Vincent said quietly, pressing his lips together. Something of a small, almost invisible smile formed on the stoic man's face. "I think he's just begun to live." 

  
  
  
  
Did you like it? ^_^ Any comments, good and bad, would be appreciated. This work is © (copyright) [Auroran Flash,][1] The characters Cloud, Sephiroth, Vincent Valentine and Tifa Lockheart belong to Squaresoft. The plot and storyline is my own. 

   [1]: mailto:AuroranFlash@jenovaproject.com



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